Tag Archives: vulnerability

Be a Good One

Not a lot going on over here except more waiting. We visited a charming little 2 bedroom apartment in South Park, and applied for the place, but someone beat us to it. I am starting to detect a trend, one that involves me learning to be patient. BUT, despite our angst, we are happy and healthy and safe and loved, so we can’t really complain. Madelyne does have a small cold, which has actually slowed her down a bit, making my life a teensy bit easier, is that wrong to say? I’ve been busy working on more projects, and have even dug some old work from my files I may incorporate into my shop. My goal is to have a cohesive, well-stocked shop before the move and the baby comes, so then I can work on my next task: marketing. *shudder* Anyways, I saw this quote today, and I liked it and thought I’d share it with you all today. 20140219-122732

Espérame…

Wait for me…wait for me…wait for me…

I plead, I beg.

I may not be moving at the required speed of most internet blogs/shops, but I promise I am moving in a forward direction.

I’ve got my chopsticks and I am picking up one grain of rice at a time and placing it in my bowl.

The pregnancy really has slowed me down.  For example, I had my usual time to work during nap time yesterday, however, for a moment, I noticed floaters obstructing my vision, which scared me.  I decided to lay down instead.  I am okay with normally plowing through fatigue, but the degree which you can “push the limits” shifts drastically during pregnancy.

I also like to blame my toddler a lot.  It really isn’t fair how little sleep she needs.  Last night she was asleep around 8pm, woke up around 1:45AM, and then the ty-runt was up again ready to start the day at 5:30!  She was in a charming mood all morning, and will probably only nap for an hour and fifteen minutes this afternoon.  She JUST turned TWO, mind you.  *grrr* They say that this a sign of intelligence, but I have been praying relentlessly that baby #2 is a cuddly, sleepy little thing (Another reason why I agreed to naming him “Teddy.”  I want him to be a snuggly little bear of a baby).

Other news on the home front:

I feel like the last six months have been a waiting game; it has really put a perspective on what I choose to be anxious about. I worried a lot about the Down Syndrome testing, but when we had to take the Cystic Fibrosis test (both of which turned out negative), I didn’t let the thoughts take over my brain. My husband lost his job in October, but then he found three other jobs to hold us over for the last few months.

So now, we wait again:

We are still looking for a new job, and there are potentials on the horizon, but it seems like they make you wait until you are about ready to scream and stomp and shout and yell profanities about how horrible their company is, etc., etc.  I don’t even care, I just want him to have the job! Aghgh!  *sorry, this is still a little fresh*

We also are planning on moving to a larger space in the next month or so, and obviously, the additional income would be extremely helpful.

And then of course, we wait, I wait, for this squirming thing inside me to finish growing, so I can at least reclaim part of my internal organs.

I really don’t like the “waiting” feeling, and I am trying realllllly hard to appreciate the present, but sometimes it is difficult.

Anyways, thanks for listening.  If you ever need to get something off of your shoulders, I am all ears (maybe distracted and overtired ears, but ones that can hear nonetheless).

Begin afresh, afresh, afresh

Part of me wants to reflect on last year.

The other part doesn’t want to bore you with my honey-soaked, heavy nostalgia.

I know I have been an “inconsistent” blogger *shudder* as of late (the worst thing you can do!), however I am determined to trudge on.

The blog has been quiet, but I have been busy working in the stillness, laughing with visitors, and stopping for a moment to stare at the blue, blue Southern California sky.

For now, let me just take a moment to say “Season’s Greetings” to each of you.  I hope you had special moments this holiday season, the kind that sneak up on you and leave you warm and tingling and feeling well-loved.

More to come soon.

seasons greetings 72

 

Au milieu de l’hiver…

It is not winter here, although somedays are colder than others.

The rain falls, but the ground is thankful for a drink.

I too am thankful for stormy weather, for it reminds me of the warmth deep in my chest, radiating out to my fingertips.

******************

The test results came back negative (less than 1 in 10,000 chance) for a chromosome issue. And we found out we are having a boy!  However, I will not be completely satisfied until I am holding this baby in my arms.

*******************

hiver 72

Serotinous Mel

Well, no news on the test results yet (see previous post).  We’ve been surprisingly okay with all the extra drama of our lives.  I’ve stopped stressing out about things beyond my control.  I think there are two potential reasons for this: 1) I’ve given up fighting against things beyond my control, because so many unfortunate things have turned out positive for me in the past few years 2) I am just too tired to worry, pregnancy has a way of prioritizing my thoughts.  Either way, I am happy to be getting some sleep!

Other good news: I completed my first painting today since taking a break about six weeks ago.  As a mom, I am quickly realizing that I am going to have to be flexible with regards to the amount of work I can contribute and understand that sometimes things like my health or caring for my kids may have to take precedence over my art career (yeah, no duh, I know…).

Anyways, here is the painting I did, I may turn it into a card on my shop in the next few days.

serotinous pine 72

Quick Deluge

If you have been following my blog, you know that I have been attempting to do a drawing-a-day for an upcoming show.  You also may notice that I have been struggling with this, been a bit emotional, etc, etc.  Well, I think it is time I open up.  I am only going to publish this here, and wait a bit before completing opening up (ie: Facebook, etc.).  The truth is, well, I am pregnant!  I am only 9 weeks along, and extremely exhausted tailing behind a two-year old all day.  I know you aren’t supposed to say anything until you are thru your first trimester, but I figured if I do have to deal with something as sad as a miscarriage, I’d want to share it with you here.  The fatigue/nausea has made drawing practically impossible.  So, I’ve also decided to withdraw from the show and hope I can get back to making new work soon.   The other news happening in our little bubble is that my husband’s office closed, so he lost his job.  LUCKILY, we sort of were planning our escape anyways, and even though he won’t be making as much money as before, he will almost seamlessly have enough part-time work started to keep us out of the red.  Phew.

Readjusted Goals:

~Create a new drawing/blog post 1 time per week.

~Keep toddler alive

 

Hopefully I can add more to that as my pregnancy progresses.  One step at a time.