Fairy Tales and a Confession

Am I the only person whose confidence seems to be something they constantly have to work on?  I’d say I feel fairly self-confident at the moment.  My confidence level is not a tight-rope walk right now, like it might have been at some points in my life…but maybe a side-walk wide balancing act.  Occasionally, I can get distracted and stumble off the edge a bit.  There are a million things that can cause this.  Wanting to fulfill goals, but hesitant about my abilities to actually succeed at said goals.  Body image.  Financial anxiety can also cause my confidence levels to plummet.  Maybe I am just whiny.  I am such a white, privileged, middle-class jerk!

Do you see what I just did there?  I made myself feel guilty for thinking about all of those things…which can also make my confidence wane.

I ask myself: Are my expectations of myself unrealistic?  I’ve watched, listened to, and read about dozens of women who deal with this very issue.  They want a career and they want to raise a family. And feel sexy.  And fill in the blank 100 more times.   The Women’s Movement allowed women to get into the workplace, but now we are expected to do both, work and raise family.  Effortlessly.  I’m more torn about this than ever.  I want to be a mom.  I want to watch my kids grow up and be actively involved in their lives.  I also want to be an artist.  I want to be respected by my peers and seen as smart and interesting and compelling.  I also want to have a healthy, vibrant relationship with my husband.

How can we do it all?

It all comes back to balance, I guess.  I need to stay on the sidewalk and not get carried away by all the distractions and appreciate the moment I am in.

Sigh…

Deep breath, etc, etc.

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Side note: As I was working on part of my projects, I was listening to more Brené Brown on TED.  This time I was watching her other video, about shame, which I also highly recommend.  She has a way of helping me put things in perspective.

You can view her video on vulnerability here,

or her video on shame (mentioned above) here.

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On another note, I had another productive day.  My cousin came again to watch my daughter as I cranked out as much work as possible.  Unfortunately, part of that meant re-doing a painting.  However, if there is ANYTHING I learned from graduate school, it is that sometimes the first incantation of a work is not the best one.  That was a hard one for me to get.  Anyways, I’ve been working with text a bit and that is why the drawing I did today is actually a quote.

It is available at my Etsy shop: myquiethouse

CS Lewis Fairy Tales 72

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